HOW TO NAIL SINGLE LIFE LIKE A BOSS BABE
The thing is you need to get really good at being single. Like really nail it.
Get it out of your head that being in a relationship is the be all and end all of life, it's not. And the longer you have that mentality, the longer you may actually be single and most of all, unhappy.
There is nothing wrong with being single and you need to stop having a negative mindset about it. Social 'norms' and the pressures we put on ourselves that we're meant to meet someone, settle down and have a family. You could be in a relationship and still be miserable. Don't think that finding a boyfriend and being in a relationship is going to fix everything and make life this magical thing where you'll live happily ever after. You need to do that for yourself first. Create your own magic angel.
LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF
We've all heard the cliche saying 'You need to love yourself before you can love someone else' and as punishing as it may sound it's so true. How can you expect someone to be attracted to you and love you if you don't even like let alone love yourself? Plus you'll be giving off the wrong vibe and attracting the wrong people. We attract what we project. To be able to attract the best you need to be your best.
STOP PUTTING A TIME FRAME ON YOUR LIFE
So many of us do this (#guilty I used to do it too) and have a plan of how your life is 'meant' to happen.
'At 21 I'll finish studying, I'll meet my 'one' at 22, we'll move in together when we're 23, I'll be in my dream job and engaged at 25 and then we'll get married, buy a house and have two kids by the time I'm 29'.
Spoiler alert, that's not how life actually works. As you get older (and pass these ages where you're 'meant' to be doing certain things) you realise you don't have full control so it's best to go with the flow and learn to manoeuvre your way through life the best you can and at times think on your feet when things change or don't work out how you expected. Trust me, it's WAY less disappointing for yourself if you don't put these ridiculous time frames on yourself and you'll be so pumped when things take you by surprise and just happen.
I've got six months left in my twenties. Turning 3o is a a milestone that we talk about as being daunting and freaks people out. I can honestly say I don't feel that way as I approach 30. I'm really happy about my life and where I'm at. Yeah sure not everything's perfect and there are still things I'd like to overcome and a lot I'd like to achieve.
Maybe we have our freak outs at different ages/ stages. I had mine when I turned 27 and cried the whole day (and a month afterwards). That was mostly because I'm so hard on myself and needed to let go of the expectations I put on myself and learn to let it be.
YOU WILL GET TO THAT 'PLACE'
It's only recently clicked for me and I now think about finding love differently to how I used to. It's hard to explain but something has switched, I get it and I'm no longer afraid or so worried about it. To be frank (I don't swear often in my posts) I've started to not give a fuck anymore.
It's something I've felt really sad about and feared I was never going to meet my special person. That kind of thinking is fear based and doesn't attract what you're after anyway so best to ditch it (I know it's not an easy quick fix process so best wishes on that journey).
I know that I'm a great gal. I'm fun, caring, full of energy, love my life and am worthy of love. I am independent, have a great career, incredible family and friends and I feel truly lucky for everything I do have in my life. Focus on what you DO have not what you DON'T. It sounds cheesy but a grateful heart is a magnet for miracles.
TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF
People talk about how hard dating is in 2018 and they're not wrong, it is. Take the pressure off yourself. Don't overthink it. Just let it be. You might go on a date with someone and good on you for giving it a go, it might not go anywhere or someone might not message you back and you know what, that's ok. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, it's just not meant to be, and you'll probably be thankful it didn't work out because something else you're way more into may be just around the corner. Move on and just keep going!
People will have their judgements and give their opinions about you being single, whether you ask for it or not. They might tell you you're too fussy, I'm sorry but I just refuse to settle for anything less than super cool and the real deal ya know. And that doesn't mean I've got crazy expectations. We only get one life, I don't see why we shouldn't get to live our best lives and experience the greatest love we can with our favourite person.
When you've been single for a while it can be really hard not to think there's something wrong with you, like you're being left behind while you watch everyone else couple up around you. Going to weddings on your own and sitting at the singles or kids table can be a real hoot and it can really rub it in for you, but own it. Everyone's life happens differently, so don't gauge yours on someone elses. There's no wrong or right way to do it. As long as you're a good person and not a 'see you next Tuesday' you're all good mate.
MY TIPS TO NAILING SINGLE GAL LIFE:
- This time is all about YOU beautiful, clever you. It's a super cool opportunity for your to grow, work through anything you need to so you can live your best life. Enjoy it!
- Work out what you do and don't want out of life and a relationship You get to choose! (How lucky are we to have so much freedom, so many people don't so count your lucky pretty stars please).
- Make self-care your #1 hon I wrote a blog on this which you can read here. Take super good care of yourself. Nourish yourself but eat the pizza and treats, go to the gym, do your pilates and yoga, have massages and candle lit bubble baths.
- Get some hobbies Go for hikes in nature, learn new things. Enrol for a cooking class, learn a language or how to meditate. You never know you might meet someone through these activities. Be creative, read stacks of books, listen to podcasts.
- Have some really good single friends Like-minded people that like doing similar things to you. That way you have someone to do your Netflix and Ubereats Friday and ok Saturday nights with as well. Couple friends are usually doing their own thing and often leave single friends out. Let go of any shitty friends that make you feel bad about being single
- Make plans Everyone's so busy, if you want to catch up with your friends (especially friends in relationships) you need to make plans in advance to do things, lock in a date, set up a group message.
- Go on dates If you want to go on dates and meet people, do it. Single gals and guys know you go through phases of wanting to do this. There's no harm in setting up some dinner dates, using dating apps whatever works for you. Read my dating tips from a previous blog here
- Treat yourself You don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend to treat you, you can do that yourself. Take yourself on little dates and buy yourself treats, flowers, or things you want.
- Go travelling on your own Want to travel but feel like you can't because you don't have an other half? Well good news, you don't need one! Book a trip, do a Topdeck tour where you'll meet heaps of other solo travellers. You'll end up having really good friends in lots of different countries and you might even find love on your travels.
- Basically make sure you're living your best life You might not be single for long so make the most of the time which will set you up super well for your next relationship, or maybe you'll be single for a while so learn to nail single life like a boss babe.